Free grief tool
A letter to your loved one
Grief research keeps arriving at the same finding: we don't "get over" the people we love — we find ways to carry them with us. Writing a letter is one of the oldest and best-supported ways to do that. Not a goodbye, unless you want it to be. A continuing of the conversation.
Completely private: nothing you write leaves your device. No account, no server — this letter is yours alone. Your draft stays on this device so you can pause and come back.
Before you begin
Take a breath
Find a quiet few minutes if you can — some people light a candle, or sit somewhere that reminds them of the person. Most people take ten to twenty minutes. There's no clock, and every prompt is optional: answer the ones that speak to you, skip the rest. Even a few sentences make a real letter.
We kept your words from last time — or .
If this starts to feel like too much, it's okay to stop — your words will be here when you come back.
All the prompts
Write in any order
Last thing
How do you want to sign it?
Read it slowly. Aloud, if you can — even a whisper counts.
Your letter is still blank — even one line counts.
Whatever you do with it is right: keep it somewhere safe, read it in a place that mattered to both of you, bring it to a therapy session, add to it on anniversaries — or let it stay unsent. Unsent counts.
Why write to someone who can't answer?
Because the relationship didn't end — it changed form. Psychologists call this continuing bonds: healthy grieving usually isn't detachment but a renegotiated connection — an inner conversation that continues. Letter writing gives that conversation a place to live. People are often surprised by what comes out: things unsaid, gratitude, anger (allowed — love and anger co-exist), and often, eventually, something that sounds like their loved one answering back.
This exercise is for reflection; it is not a substitute for professional care. Grief can open strong feelings — if what comes up feels like more than you can settle on your own, please bring it to a therapist or someone you trust. If you're in the U.S. and grief ever tips into feeling unsurvivable, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) — someone is there around the clock.
Common questions
Is what I write private?
Yes. Everything happens on this page, in your browser — nothing you write is sent anywhere. Your draft is kept only on this device so you can pause and come back; “Start fresh” removes it completely. If you want a copy, download or print your letter.
Do I have to answer every prompt?
No. The prompts are invitations, not requirements — every one has a “skip” button, and skipped prompts simply never appear in your letter. Even one honest paragraph makes a real letter, and you can come back and write another version any time.
What do I do with the letter once it’s written?
Whatever feels right. Some people read it aloud at a graveside or a favorite place, some keep it in a drawer and add to it on anniversaries, some bring it to a therapy session — and many never share it at all. Unsent letters count; the writing itself is the visit.
Is it normal to still be grieving after this long?
Usually, yes. Grief doesn’t run on a schedule, and healthy grieving is less about detaching than about carrying the relationship forward in a changed form. But if grief is keeping you from working, sleeping, or caring for yourself, that’s worth bringing to a therapist. And if it ever tips into feeling unsurvivable, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) — someone is there around the clock.
Using it in session
The unsent letter is a long-standing grief intervention, and this version breaks it into prompts so the blank page feels less daunting. Most clients do it as homework and bring the letter back. The session is then about what it was like to write, what surprised them, and what felt unfinished. If the client is willing, having them read it aloud in session is often where the work happens.
Timing matters. Some clients want to write in the early weeks after a death, and others need more time before this is anything but raw. Ask, don't assign. It also fits losses where the relationship was complicated, estranged, or ambiguous, as long as you make room for anger and ambivalence as well as love.
Documentation example
Client completed a guided unsent letter to her late father as homework and read portions aloud in session; expressed gratitude and unresolved anger about his illness. Client tolerated strong affect and described feeling "lighter" at session end.
Limits and cautions
- Screen for suicidal ideation in bereaved clients, particularly when grief carries hopelessness or a wish to join the deceased.
- Where the deceased caused harm, the letter may bring up trauma material. Pace accordingly, and let the client decide the focus.
- Persistent, impairing grief may warrant evaluation for prolonged grief disorder rather than only reflective exercises.
- Remind clients the draft stays on their device; on a shared computer, they should use "Start fresh" when done.
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