Free grief tool
The two streams of grief
People in grief almost always worry they're doing it wrong. Crying too much — or not enough. "Moving on" too fast — or not at all. Modern grief science has a reassuring answer: healthy grieving isn't a straight line through stages. It's an oscillation between two streams — facing the loss (missing them, crying, remembering) and tending to life (cooking dinner, working, even laughing) — and the moving back and forth between them is the healing. Psychologists call this the Dual Process Model.
Think about your last week or so, and check whatever happened — there are no right answers.
Completely private: everything happens on this page, in your browser. Nothing you check is sent anywhere — and nothing is stored unless you choose to remember your check-ins on this device.
Facing the loss
Tending to life
Your two streams
Couldn’t copy automatically — select the text below and copy it yourself.
Checking in like this every few weeks shows you something no single day can: the oscillation itself. The PDF is dated and keeps your own words, so a few of them side by side become the picture of your grief moving. Many people bring one to a therapist or a friend who worries about them — it's a kind way to say "this is where I actually am."
Your check-ins so far
Blue is facing the loss; green is tending to life. The counts at the right are loss / life. This back-and-forth across weeks is the oscillation itself — the thing no single check-in can show.
Both streams are grief
The Dual Process Model (Stroebe & Schut, 1999) reframed everything: the moments you're not actively grieving — paying bills, watching a show, laughing at a joke — aren't avoidance or betrayal. They're restoration, and grief needs them the way swimming needs breaths. Equally, the waves of missing them aren't "being stuck." A grief that lives entirely in one stream for a long time is worth talking about with someone; a grief that moves — however unevenly — is doing what grief does.
This exercise is reflection, not assessment — no checklist can judge a grief. If your grief feels frozen, or life has felt unlivable for a long stretch, please talk to a professional. In the U.S., if it ever tips into feeling unsurvivable, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) — someone is there around the clock.
Common questions
What is the Dual Process Model of grief?
It’s the leading modern model of how grieving actually works (Stroebe & Schut, 1999). Instead of moving through fixed stages, healthy grief oscillates between two streams: facing the loss — crying, missing them, remembering — and tending to life — meals, work, even laughing. This page turns that idea into a simple check-in: mark what happened in your last week and see how your time moved between the two streams.
Is my grief normal?
Almost certainly more normal than it feels from the inside. Grief has no fixed timeline, and there is no correct ratio between missing them and getting on with life — a week that lives mostly in one stream is still grief. What matters more is movement over time: a grief that shifts between the streams, however unevenly, is doing what grief does. A grief that stays entirely in one stream for a long time is worth talking about with someone — not because you’re doing it wrong, but because you deserve company in it.
Is what I enter private?
Yes. Everything on this page happens in your browser — nothing you check or type is sent anywhere. By default nothing is stored either: close the tab and it’s gone. If you switch on "Remember my check-ins on this device," only the date and your two counts are saved — in your own browser, never sent anywhere, and you can delete them anytime. The image and text summaries exist only if you download or copy them yourself.
When should I talk to someone about my grief?
This exercise is reflection, not assessment — no checklist can judge a grief. But if your grief has felt frozen for a long stretch, or life has felt unlivable, that’s the moment to bring in a therapist or your doctor. And in the U.S., if it ever tips into feeling unsurvivable, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) — someone is there around the clock.
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