Free relationship tool
What's your attachment style?
Attachment researchers describe adult relating along two dimensions rather than rigid boxes: how much worry you carry about the bond ("do they still care?"), and how much distance you keep from closeness ("can I afford to depend on someone?"). Where you land on those two lines sketches the four familiar styles — secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant.
The twelve statements below are an informal self-reflection built on that standard two-dimension model of adult attachment — not a validated assessment, and not a diagnosis. Answer with your closest relationships in mind and you'll get a map of where you currently sit, what your pattern is genuinely good at, and where it tends to pinch. A therapist can explore all of this with far more nuance; this is a starting point.
Completely private: everything happens on this page, in your browser. Nothing you answer is sent or stored anywhere.
Your map
Where styles come from
Attachment theory began with John Bowlby's observation that children are built to keep a trusted caregiver close, and Mary Ainsworth's research showing that how caregivers respond shapes the strategy a child settles on — reach louder, need less, or trust the bond. Decades of work since have found that adults carry versions of those same strategies into partnerships and close friendships. The modern research tradition maps adult attachment along the two dimensions this page reflects informally: worry about the bond, and comfort with depending on another person. Crucially, styles are learned strategies, not fixed traits — each one was a sensible answer to the relationships you actually had. And because they were learned in relationships, new relationships, including therapy, can revise them.
This is informal self-reflection built on the standard two-dimension model of adult attachment. It is not a validated assessment, a diagnosis, or a substitute for professional care — a therapist can explore these patterns with far more nuance than any twelve questions. If relationship distress feels unmanageable, please reach out for support.
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