Free relationship tool
What is my attachment style?
To find your attachment style, answer the twelve statements below with your closest relationship in mind. Your answers place you on a map of the four adult attachment styles and show which one you currently sit closest to. It is free, nothing you enter leaves this page, and the result is a starting point for reflection rather than a diagnosis.
Attachment researchers describe adult relating along two dimensions rather than rigid boxes: how much worry you carry about the bond ("do they still care?"), and how much distance you keep from closeness ("can I afford to depend on someone?"). Where you land on those two lines sketches the four familiar styles — secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant.
The twelve statements below are an informal self-reflection built on that standard two-dimension model of adult attachment — not a validated assessment, and not a diagnosis. Answer with your closest relationships in mind and you'll get a map of where you currently sit, what your pattern is genuinely good at, and where it tends to pinch. A therapist can explore all of this with far more nuance; this is a starting point.
Completely private: everything happens on this page, in your browser. Nothing you answer is sent or stored anywhere.
Your map
One more honest note: attachment isn't one setting. Research finds the pattern often differs from relationship to relationship — you can be secure with a best friend and anxious with a partner. If you answered with relationships in general, it's worth taking this again with one specific person in mind.
The four attachment styles
Each style is a region on the two dimensions above, not a separate type of person. Most people sit nearer one region without fitting it perfectly, and the same person can sit in different regions with different people.
- Secure: low worry about the bond and comfortable with closeness. Asking for support and giving it both feel manageable.
- Anxious-preoccupied: high worry about the bond and a strong pull toward closeness. Distance or silence can read as a sign that something is wrong.
- Dismissive-avoidant: low worry about the bond and a preference for distance. Self-reliance feels safer than depending on someone.
- Fearful-avoidant: high worry and a preference for distance at the same time, so closeness is both wanted and hard to trust. Some writers call this style disorganized.
Where styles come from
Attachment theory began with John Bowlby's observation that children are built to keep a trusted caregiver close, and Mary Ainsworth's research showing that how caregivers respond shapes the strategy a child settles on — reach louder, need less, or trust the bond. Decades of work since have found that adults carry versions of those same strategies into partnerships and close friendships. The modern research tradition maps adult attachment along the two dimensions this page reflects informally: worry about the bond, and comfort with depending on another person. Crucially, styles are learned strategies, not fixed traits — each one was a sensible answer to the relationships you actually had. And because they were learned in relationships, new relationships, including therapy, can revise them.
This is informal self-reflection built on the standard two-dimension model of adult attachment. It is not a validated assessment, a diagnosis, or a substitute for professional care — a therapist can explore these patterns with far more nuance than any twelve questions. If relationship distress feels unmanageable, please reach out for support.
Common questions
How do I know what my attachment style is?
Notice what you do when a close relationship feels uncertain. If you tend to seek reassurance and worry about being left, that points toward an anxious style. If you tend to pull back and rely on yourself, that points toward an avoidant style. If you do both, that points toward fearful-avoidant, and if you can usually ask for closeness and tolerate distance, that points toward secure. The twelve statements on this page turn those tendencies into a position on a map. It is informal self-reflection, not a diagnosis.
What are the four attachment styles?
Secure (low worry about the bond, comfortable with closeness), anxious-preoccupied (high worry, wants closeness), dismissive-avoidant (low worry, keeps distance), and fearful-avoidant, sometimes called disorganized (high worry and keeps distance). They are regions on two dimensions rather than separate boxes, so most people sit nearer one style without fitting it perfectly.
How does this attachment style quiz work?
You respond to twelve statements about how you tend to feel in close relationships. Your answers are scored along the two dimensions researchers use to describe adult attachment — how much worry you carry about the bond, and how much distance you keep from closeness — and you land on a map showing which of the four familiar styles you currently sit closest to: secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, or fearful-avoidant. Answer with your closest relationships in mind, not acquaintances or coworkers.
Is what I enter private?
Yes. Everything happens on this page, in your browser. Your answers are never sent or stored anywhere, and nothing is tracked. If you want to keep your result, download the map or share it yourself — otherwise it disappears when you close the page.
Can this really tell me my attachment style?
It can give you an honest sketch, not a verdict. This is informal self-reflection built on the standard two-dimension model of adult attachment — it is not a validated assessment or a diagnosis, and twelve questions can’t capture how you attach across different relationships or over time. A therapist can explore all of this with far more nuance; treat your result as a starting point for reflection.
Can my attachment style change?
Yes. Styles are learned strategies, not fixed traits — each one was a sensible answer to the relationships you actually had. Because they were learned in relationships, new relationships can revise them: consistent, responsive connection, including the relationship with a therapist, reshapes the pattern at any age. Researchers call it earned security, and it is real.
Using it in session
Clients often come in having already read about attachment styles online. This page gives a more careful framing: two dimensions rather than boxes, and a result that can differ across relationships. It works well as homework before a session on relationship patterns. Ask the client to complete it with one specific person in mind and bring the result.
In session, the result is a starting point. Ask where it rings true, where it doesn't, and whether it would look different with another person. Tie the pattern to the client's history and current relationships, and to how it shows up in the therapy relationship.
Documentation example
Client completed an informal attachment self-reflection regarding her partner; result fell in the anxious-preoccupied range. Client related high worry about the bond to childhood experiences of inconsistent parental availability and noted she feels more secure with close friends.
Limits and cautions
- Not a validated measure. For research or formal assessment, use an established instrument such as the ECR-R.
- Clients may treat a label as fixed or as an explanation for everything. Emphasize that styles are learned and can change.
- Avoid using results to label a partner in couples work.
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