Free grief tool
A plan for the hard days
Grief doesn't spread itself evenly. It gathers around dates — the anniversary, their birthday, the holidays, the song in the supermarket — and arrives in waves. The waves themselves can't be scheduled, but you can meet them prepared. People who make a simple plan for the hard days consistently report the same thing: the day is still hard, and it is also more survivable.
Completely private: everything happens on this page, in your browser. Nothing you type is sent or stored anywhere.
How the wave shows up in my body
Knowing your early signals means the wave surprises you a little less.
Small and concrete beats noble and vague: tea, the blanket, their playlist, the long exhale, stepping outside.
People I can reach
What I'm allowed to do that day
Grief days come with imagined obligations. Choose your permissions.
Add at least one thing first — even a single line under “What helps” makes it a plan.
Your card
Your card is running long — everything you chose is on it, but it may read better if you trim a chip or two and rebuild.
You named the date — and the dread usually arrives before the day does.Downloads a small calendar file, made on your device: a nudge three days ahead and one on the day itself. Nothing is sent anywhere.
Save it to your phone — "Download for lock screen" sizes it to sit below the clock on your phone's screen. The PDF prints two wallet-sized copies: keep one, give one to your person. Many people also send the card to the person named on it ("this is my plan, you're in it"), which quietly recruits your support before the day arrives.
Why plan for grief?
Anticipatory dread is often worse than the day itself — the mind rehearses the wave without any picture of surviving it. A plan gives the picture. It also does something subtler: it treats the wave as expectable weather rather than a malfunction. You're not failing at grief when the anniversary flattens you; you're having the anniversary. With a card in your pocket, the question shifts from "what if I fall apart?" to "I know what I'll reach for."
This exercise is for reflection; it is not a substitute for professional care. If the hard days are most days, or the waves feel unsurvivable, please reach out — in the U.S., call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), around the clock.
Common questions
What is a plan for the hard days?
It’s a pocket card for the grief days you can see coming — the anniversary, their birthday, the holidays. You note how the wave shows up in your body, what actually helps in the moment, who you can reach, and what you’re allowed to do that day. Then you download it as an image, a lock-screen version sized for your phone, or a printable PDF with two wallet-sized copies — so it’s in your pocket when the day arrives. If you know the exact date, you can also download a calendar reminder that nudges you a few days ahead.
Is what I enter private?
Yes. Everything happens on this page, in your browser — nothing you type is sent or stored anywhere. The card exists only on your device, unless you choose to download it or share it with someone.
Is it normal that certain dates hit me this hard?
Yes. Grief gathers around dates, and anniversary waves are expectable weather, not a malfunction — you’re not failing at grief when their birthday flattens you. But if the hard days are most days, or the waves feel unsurvivable, please reach out for professional care — in the U.S., call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), around the clock.
Will a plan actually make the day easier?
It won’t cancel the wave — the day will probably still be hard. What it changes is the dread beforehand and the scramble in the moment. People who make a simple plan consistently report the same thing: the day is more survivable, because the question shifts from “what if I fall apart?” to “I know what I’ll reach for.”
Using it in session
Use it two or three weeks before an anniversary, birthday, or holiday. Build the card together in session: early body signals, small concrete things that help, who to reach, and permissions for the day ("I can skip the party"). Encourage the client to share it with the person named on it.
After the date passes, review what the client reached for and what they wished they had. Update the card for the next hard day, since clients often cycle through several in a year. For an ambush wave that arrives without warning, the same card still applies; ask the client to keep it on the lock screen.
Documentation example
Client and clinician built a plan for the upcoming anniversary of her mother's death, including body cues (tight throat, poor sleep), coping steps (walk, playlist, calling her brother), and permission to take the day off. Client plans to share the card with her brother.
Limits and cautions
- This is a coping plan, not a suicide safety plan. If there is suicidal ideation, complete a structured safety plan as well.
- If most days are hard days, assess for depression or prolonged grief rather than planning for individual dates.
- The card may name people and dates; remind clients it stays on their device and is theirs to share.
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